Monday, February 25, 2019

About the term "special needs" and learning how to use the politically correct terms so as not to piss anyone off

Strange to see that some of my former family members were quite pissed off because I used the term "special needs" in a former post. And I guess I am old school and yet still think that some may be living even deeper under the rock. Here's the deal. I am not ashamed or the least bit embarrassed to admit that someone I know has what I consider special needs. I was never comparing the child to her other siblings. In my mind it would be like comparing me to my siblings. I was reading at college level in the 4th grade and deemed mentally gifted shortly afterwards. But my younger bro who had many many hard years in school before he was diagnosed with dyslexia which involved me getting into a few fights with people who wanted to call him stupid. And it turns out he is actually a genius at what he excels in and today he is a master of many things. When we were kids he could take a broken toaster apart and put it back together and it would be working but his learning comprehension skills were way below grade level.
I think my last post was a reaction to a child being so frustrated and not yet having the comprehensive skills to articulate what they are feeling. And my frustration of not being able to figure it out. Do I still firmly believe she is at this point a special needs child? 100%. I remember a conversation with the older girls when Chloe was telling me Lex was telling the next door neighbors that Olivia was a year younger than she was because she didn't want them making fun of her sister. And to me that isn't anything to be ashamed of but I totally understand why Lex did it.
When I myself say she is a special needs child to me It just means that because her communication skills are not yet up to par that I spend more time trying to understand what she is feeling and trying to say. In the past couple of months I have heard her grunt UGH like sounds and she just seems so frustrated. And I think a large part of it is because she can't quite communicate yet what she is really feeling frustrated about.
I  have to give praise that things are so different today than in the past. When we first started noticing that she wasn't speaking and did things always in a certain order I was naturally thinking that she was on some sort of autism spectrum. And I can't say enough about how much joy it brings me today when this little baby girl hugs me and says "I love you so much Grandma". Because there was a time when I seriously wondered if she was ever going to speak. Not because I was comparing her to her sisters but just from seeing her repetitive actions and knowing that she had no desire to communicate at that time. She has come such a long way in such a short time with her communication skills and the help from outside resources that she received for this.
Today they went to the snow. Hubby went outside and said "how did you like it" and she said "It was awesome" and how cool is that?
And at this point I don't want to make her special or any different from the other kids. But I still think she is someone who should be treated differently from the other kids because she is in fact different. The term "special needs" to me and my inner family simply means that certain people need a bit of extra attention. When Olivia speaks to me I stop everything and listen to what she is saying or trying to say because I know that she needs me to pay attention. And once again I will reiterate that me calling her a "special needs" child I'm not doing that because I look down on her. In fact I can honestly say that it makes me love her even more.
I guess I am just a bit pissed off about the world today where people are so sensitive and looking for reasons to blame others about everything. Let's get this straight. Life is hard for everyone. We all have issues. #stopthehate

Sunday, February 17, 2019

About Potty Training a Special Needs Child

So my experiences this weekend reminded me of a time many many years ago.
Our family went on a camping/fishing trip and my baby bro came back from the trip
being scared to sit on the toilet and he also started stuttering. We (mom dad and I) found out later that older brother had went in the bathroom the outhouse kind of scary shit kind of bathrooms that only exist in the camping world unless of course you have to resort to finding a bush in the forest to relieve yourself upon and he told brother that he was going to fall down the abyss baby bro constipated for quite some time after we returned from the camping trip and if memory serves me correct it took him at least a week before he sat on a real toilet seat again.
So we flash forward to this weekend with my wonderful loving 99% of the time grandbaby Olivia. I've been knowing some time that she is a child with special needs and how to deal with that but now realize it really isn't any different than dealing with your other children or grankids...the trick is how to figure out how to best help them when they need you the most. Olivia did a great job with her potty training and now has resulted into pooping and peeing in her panties and then tells you much later that she needs them changed. Last night laying in bed --she likes to lay on grandma's belly and she turns over and I am patting her on the butt and feel #turdcity I'm like Let's go get cleaned up and she is yelling and screaming NO!!!. This is a child who last weekend spent with us was watching me on the toilet giving me high fives wanting to help me wipe but I was all "Nope that's not necessary LOL "and we both got "stickers" for being big girls who went on the potty . Suddenly she has turned into a child who pees or poops all over herself and has no concern about preventing that because she suddenly seems scared and doesn't want to do it anymore. And Olivia is suddenly screaming and crying and terrified about sitting on the toilet and she's pretty adamant about things she will or will not do without putting up a fight
So what do we do? Go with the flow? certainly we don't put her back in diapers. I've seen all of these posts about how sudden changes like a new baby or something significant in their life creates these kind of things but nothing new that hasn't been happening for quite some time now at least on our end. I'm basically at a loss about learning how to conquer whatever fears have now caused this set back. Chloe told me she thinks it is because they ran out of candy at her house and stopped giving it to her for a reward. I don't think the answer is that simple. But my thoughts will forever be that a special needs child's thoughts are way more complicated than simply being simple.
And more thoughts. That camping trip many many years ago when my younger bro became a temporary stutterer. It happened because he suddenly became terrified of something. The older bro should have never done that to him. But in retrospect the older bro always loved him. So there's that. And the younger bro was never a special needs child but for some reason became terrified about sitting on the toilet. How fucked up is that? When relieving yourself becomes your worst nightmare? Personally I have never had to deal with that but have dealt with people in my life who are terrified about simple things like sitting on a toilet seat. And am wondering if it starts with that and then carries over into your adult hood? And maybe if we are able to fix whatever is wrong it will not carry over? Jheez louise. Life is hard enough without having to worry about sitting on a toilet seat and being afraid of falling into the abyss. #JMO