Monday, February 25, 2019

About the term "special needs" and learning how to use the politically correct terms so as not to piss anyone off

Strange to see that some of my former family members were quite pissed off because I used the term "special needs" in a former post. And I guess I am old school and yet still think that some may be living even deeper under the rock. Here's the deal. I am not ashamed or the least bit embarrassed to admit that someone I know has what I consider special needs. I was never comparing the child to her other siblings. In my mind it would be like comparing me to my siblings. I was reading at college level in the 4th grade and deemed mentally gifted shortly afterwards. But my younger bro who had many many hard years in school before he was diagnosed with dyslexia which involved me getting into a few fights with people who wanted to call him stupid. And it turns out he is actually a genius at what he excels in and today he is a master of many things. When we were kids he could take a broken toaster apart and put it back together and it would be working but his learning comprehension skills were way below grade level.
I think my last post was a reaction to a child being so frustrated and not yet having the comprehensive skills to articulate what they are feeling. And my frustration of not being able to figure it out. Do I still firmly believe she is at this point a special needs child? 100%. I remember a conversation with the older girls when Chloe was telling me Lex was telling the next door neighbors that Olivia was a year younger than she was because she didn't want them making fun of her sister. And to me that isn't anything to be ashamed of but I totally understand why Lex did it.
When I myself say she is a special needs child to me It just means that because her communication skills are not yet up to par that I spend more time trying to understand what she is feeling and trying to say. In the past couple of months I have heard her grunt UGH like sounds and she just seems so frustrated. And I think a large part of it is because she can't quite communicate yet what she is really feeling frustrated about.
I  have to give praise that things are so different today than in the past. When we first started noticing that she wasn't speaking and did things always in a certain order I was naturally thinking that she was on some sort of autism spectrum. And I can't say enough about how much joy it brings me today when this little baby girl hugs me and says "I love you so much Grandma". Because there was a time when I seriously wondered if she was ever going to speak. Not because I was comparing her to her sisters but just from seeing her repetitive actions and knowing that she had no desire to communicate at that time. She has come such a long way in such a short time with her communication skills and the help from outside resources that she received for this.
Today they went to the snow. Hubby went outside and said "how did you like it" and she said "It was awesome" and how cool is that?
And at this point I don't want to make her special or any different from the other kids. But I still think she is someone who should be treated differently from the other kids because she is in fact different. The term "special needs" to me and my inner family simply means that certain people need a bit of extra attention. When Olivia speaks to me I stop everything and listen to what she is saying or trying to say because I know that she needs me to pay attention. And once again I will reiterate that me calling her a "special needs" child I'm not doing that because I look down on her. In fact I can honestly say that it makes me love her even more.
I guess I am just a bit pissed off about the world today where people are so sensitive and looking for reasons to blame others about everything. Let's get this straight. Life is hard for everyone. We all have issues. #stopthehate

Sunday, February 17, 2019

About Potty Training a Special Needs Child

So my experiences this weekend reminded me of a time many many years ago.
Our family went on a camping/fishing trip and my baby bro came back from the trip
being scared to sit on the toilet and he also started stuttering. We (mom dad and I) found out later that older brother had went in the bathroom the outhouse kind of scary shit kind of bathrooms that only exist in the camping world unless of course you have to resort to finding a bush in the forest to relieve yourself upon and he told brother that he was going to fall down the abyss baby bro constipated for quite some time after we returned from the camping trip and if memory serves me correct it took him at least a week before he sat on a real toilet seat again.
So we flash forward to this weekend with my wonderful loving 99% of the time grandbaby Olivia. I've been knowing some time that she is a child with special needs and how to deal with that but now realize it really isn't any different than dealing with your other children or grankids...the trick is how to figure out how to best help them when they need you the most. Olivia did a great job with her potty training and now has resulted into pooping and peeing in her panties and then tells you much later that she needs them changed. Last night laying in bed --she likes to lay on grandma's belly and she turns over and I am patting her on the butt and feel #turdcity I'm like Let's go get cleaned up and she is yelling and screaming NO!!!. This is a child who last weekend spent with us was watching me on the toilet giving me high fives wanting to help me wipe but I was all "Nope that's not necessary LOL "and we both got "stickers" for being big girls who went on the potty . Suddenly she has turned into a child who pees or poops all over herself and has no concern about preventing that because she suddenly seems scared and doesn't want to do it anymore. And Olivia is suddenly screaming and crying and terrified about sitting on the toilet and she's pretty adamant about things she will or will not do without putting up a fight
So what do we do? Go with the flow? certainly we don't put her back in diapers. I've seen all of these posts about how sudden changes like a new baby or something significant in their life creates these kind of things but nothing new that hasn't been happening for quite some time now at least on our end. I'm basically at a loss about learning how to conquer whatever fears have now caused this set back. Chloe told me she thinks it is because they ran out of candy at her house and stopped giving it to her for a reward. I don't think the answer is that simple. But my thoughts will forever be that a special needs child's thoughts are way more complicated than simply being simple.
And more thoughts. That camping trip many many years ago when my younger bro became a temporary stutterer. It happened because he suddenly became terrified of something. The older bro should have never done that to him. But in retrospect the older bro always loved him. So there's that. And the younger bro was never a special needs child but for some reason became terrified about sitting on the toilet. How fucked up is that? When relieving yourself becomes your worst nightmare? Personally I have never had to deal with that but have dealt with people in my life who are terrified about simple things like sitting on a toilet seat. And am wondering if it starts with that and then carries over into your adult hood? And maybe if we are able to fix whatever is wrong it will not carry over? Jheez louise. Life is hard enough without having to worry about sitting on a toilet seat and being afraid of falling into the abyss. #JMO

Friday, November 30, 2018

About death dying and dealing with hospice

I realize I haven't written anything here in awhile. I also own the fact that I pretty much went bat shit crazy after my momma died. That being said I have posted a few things about my dad and his prostrate cancer and how strong his battle has been with it. Long story short. A couple of years ago right in the middle of dad being dad so to speak AKA pretty much the strongest person I have ever known--his leg suddenly started swelling. His kaiser docs took xrays ultrasounds etc etc and ended up telling him it must have been arthritis. And at this point his leg looked like a friggin balloon. He was told that there was no blood clot. then later on after he fell and broke his hip because of his inability to be mobile there was some speculation about a blood clot and more meds were added to his daily regimen.
His kaiser cancer doctor kept prescribing more pain meds and he got on morphine which of course limited his cognitive thinking skills as far as wanting to get up and do something about the situation.
I can't begin to imagine what he actually has dealt with throughout the entire process. Finally his foot from the swollen leg got extremely infected. He ended up in the hospital where they did an aggressive treatment to remove the infection from his leg. And it ended up with kidney failure. Long story short. Kaiser sent him home to die. They placed him on hospice and even though ever since the infection has been removed from his leg he was actually in better health than he has been in for the past couple of years but because they couldn't give him the cancer meds at the same time as the radical treatment to remove the infection. This is is story now. And why he was sent home to die. After a couple of months of no coumadin and no medicine from kaiser whatsoever funny thing is that his leg has not shown any type of swelling at all. He's lying in bed basically immobile but his leg seems to have been cured. And I guess that is the thing that really pisses me off. His lack of quality living for the past couple of years has been greatly affected because of poor care. IMO. And now. Hospice is in charge. They act like they are here to help. Nope. They are here to help a person die and the quicker the better. That's pretty much what they are here for. Assisted suicide. Perhaps others have dealt with more educated people who work for hospice or those who are familiar with assisted dying. My experience so far has been that people calling themselves "helpful" have talked right in front of my dad talking about things like "He's not able to hold food down and nauseated and is at the end"
I get that reality is paramount but my feelings are that what hospice has shown me in my dealings with them so far is that they don't care if the person is cognitive. God is the one who will decide when things are over. That's all I know. And I think that hospice should rethink their message. Hope and the fact that the person is still fighting to be here and doesn't want to lay down and die is what ya'll at hospice care should be thinking about. Stop making it all about dying. Every now and then life is actually about living and making the best about what you have left. That's not Dying. That's living. Get it straight hospice. FFS I don't care how much money you are being subsidized with from these insurance companies. Stop thinking your mission is about assisted dying. Assisting living should be your main goal. #cancersucks #hospicesucks #kaiserhealthcare

Saturday, January 16, 2016

Dog Drama...AKA..the trouble with dogs..paths timing = everything

Okay..so yesterday had some crazy shit happen. And I hope that ya'll won't hate my dogs after hearing my rant/story but I had a nightmare last night picturing what happened and kind of feel the need to share.
I've posted several pics of our "dog family" here on the blog and yep they all look sweet and innocent. For those of ya who haven't read any of it----
We have 2 dachshunds...long story short...my son was always allergic to pet dander so we never had pets when he was a kid after finding that out--and when he was in high school  he rescued a dachshund who was kind of hanging out at our family store...we brought him home and he named him "Bill Dance" cuz the son loves fishing....Bill Dance had a lot of health problems..(which is why I figured the former owners dumped him on the street)..and  in the meantime my hubs got me a baby weiner dog (Brownie Boy) for Mother's day..so that bill dance would have someone to play with. WE loved old Bill and kept him as comfortable as possible...I'll still never forget the time when he was whining so I let him up on the bed and he puked all over the hubby's pillow and maybe got a bit in hubby's hair--hubs immediately wakes up and says in the Stedanko voice--"Oh Babe!"
 ( but he totally understood why I frequently put puking Bill up on the bed)---When we  had to put bill dance to sleep...son was so distraught....and I searched high and low and found a "mini me " Bill that he named "bill dance Jr."...then I inherited 2 of my mom's chihuahuas..(she said they were being too mean to her other dogs)...but Molly and Candy at this point were like family members to me so I told her "No way you can't give them away to strangers"...then flash forward to we end up with 2 chiwheenies  out of the first two litters and then got them fixed cuz I knew I would end up like that crazy animal lady with 80 something dogs in the house. And ever since moms died we have also been dogsitting Cookie and Muffin---her and pops dogs--when dad is traveling. SOOO--We often have 8 dogs in the house. :=)
In my neighborhood....it's quite common for pit bulls to be all over the place tugging tires strung on a chain around their necks etc...and that being said we also have a lot of stray cats in the neighborhood and the dogs are always trying to catch them when I let them out in the front yard.
Yesterday...I let the dogs out (so to speak)....and was tidying up in the kitchen and all of a sudden I hear the dogs going crazy....
I run to the front door and see this orange fuzzy thing being attacked and immediately almost have a heart attack because I think the dogs are attacking our beloved "cookie"--(mom and dad's dog that I always call "cookie cat")..then I realize that it is an actual cat that they are attacking and they are all just in this total frenzy..and it was so surreal to see all of these little small dogs just going nuts and so out of control and I was slapping and hitting at them them and screaming "STOP IT!!!" and doing everything I could to save the cat. I finally got the cat away from them and all of a sudden hear someone say... "Are you okay?" and look up and see that a Sheriff is outside of the fence and when I look up I lose control of the cat and the dogs grab the cat again and I tell him "My dogs are trying to kill a cat" He says "I drove by and heard you screaming and wanted to make sure you are okay" And I said things like "This is someone's pet....even though it doesn't have a collar..I can't believe that they finally caught a cat"  Then he tells me to get the dogs inside of the house and comes inside of the gate before I do that but  -of course he's not afraid because he has these big Sheriff bite proof tall boots on  and is used to dealing with Pitts and bigger threats---- and the dogs immediately all come in the house (instead of barking at the stranger in the yard like they normally do)  with the exception of Nugget who kind of has brain damage since his disc dysplasia (I think)..Bill Dance JR. dropped the cat on the porch...I close the screen and coax Nugget to come inside and the Sheriff tells me he is gonna call animal control. I tell the Sheriff thru the screen door "Only in Oildale right?" And he kind of chuckles and says "Yep only in Oildale" And I'm thinking that this is probably the least of his problems that he has seen in Oildale today but dayum...major OMG for me as  I'm wiping blood off  of my hands and dogs and all--and can't keep thinking about the look that the cat had...kind of like cats from a horror movie story kind of thing. And it still is haunting me thinking about that poor cat.  I know that dacshunds were bred to be hunters but just so crazy when you see it happen. Today I have been calling Brownie (the dog who always has to sit on my lap or have me hold him even when I am standing up)--an "accessory to a crime" and saying things like "shame on you" but he still just wants to lick me with kisses. All I know is I must have looked like a crazy Oildalian out there screaming at the top of my lungs...and I am a firm believer in paths and timing. I really wish like hell that the dadgum cat had not been out in my front yard when I let the dogs out. That's all I know. And looking at all of these sweet loving dogs and realizing how vicious that any situation can become at any time when you are least expecting it makes me realize once again that nothing can ever be taken for granted, You really never know how mean something can get until you see it happening right in front of you...
Okay Rhonda rant over. :)
Peace ya'll
here's a pic of the "Cookie cat" that we love so much around here:)

Friday, November 27, 2015

Christmas Dress Form with Tulle Reindeer and pinecones

I've been admiring the dress form and mannequin Christmas trees for quite some time. I decided to make one last night and first looked in the garage for an old Christmas tree to use for the skirt but only had a couple of small ones lurking about. So I ended up using tulle instead. We took it and some more Christmas goodies to the Antique Mall today. The last pic is of another mannequin that I pinned a bunch of Christmas ornaments on.



The dress form was actually pretty easy to do. I turned it upside down and added some Christmas bulbs and then looped some ribbon across the middle so they would stay up on top. Next came the tulle. I looped it around the bottom in an up and down pattern and the top layers I looped sideways. I used fishing line to sew on the pine cones and small ornaments and tied on the reindeer and star ornaments.   I made her necklace out of a piece of vintage star chain, a vintage rhinestone brooch and a star ornament. Then added the ribbon belt . 
Man I can't believe it is almost December.  This year has gone by so fast, I haven't done a post in ages..Hope ya'll have a wonderful Holiday Season!

Sunday, June 28, 2015

Today's doins....upcycled table project

Man it's been so hot lately I haven't been outside much doing any new painting projects. Yesterday I finished up this table re-do and took it to Timeless today. 
The chairs were in pretty good shape when we got them...I added some ebony stain to the finish and decided to go with 2 different vintage upholstery fabrics on the seats.
The table top was in poor shape and hubby sanded it down then I mixed up some chalk paint for the top of the table. Used the ebony stain on the base and then also added a bit of ebony on top of the chalk paint before sealing with a few coats of polyurethane.
Can't believe it is almost July already.

Hope ya'll are having a great summer!





Sunday, May 17, 2015

Happy campers Tied the knot Got er done :D

My sweet Niece Allison had a beautiful wedding yesterday and it ended up being a nice but windy sunshiny day instead of Rain----which made it even nicer :-)
She had seen a bridal hairpiece awhile back and asked if I could make something similar....
And I ended up with this...
(of course using vintage and new components.....)

She loved it but the slight problem was that it was too big for the hair style she had chosen....
so I made a few alterations and it ended up working out nicely.
One of my SIL's told me she couldn't believe how well it matched her wedding dress....
and considering that I hadn't seen the wedding dress until after the hairpiece was made.....
it did all come together quite nicely.

She looked so radiant and beautiful..she is such a sweet talented gal and you can tell how much her and her new hubs really love one another.  It was also kind of cool seeing my husband's sister cry so many tears of joy yesterday in knowing that she wasn't losing a daughter but instead gaining a son :)

Congratulations Mr. and Mrs. Smith!