So I get stuck at work with no one there (where I could leave) and I get the call that "things aren't good". That she was having problems post-surgery and it had to do with her lungs and breathing and it was very serious. So finally someone gets there so I can get to the hospital and THEN SUDDENLY on the drive there all I could think about was my mom and what happened to her when she went "code blue" and when she couldn't breathe. With my mom-----
I was right there in the room holding onto her hand amongst all of the medical experts who were there to help her--and the last thing she did before she lost all color in her face was to look at me and grasp my hand and she "mouthed" under her "mask"---"HELP ME!"
How scared is a person knowing that they can not breathe?
And then her legs were flopping around and I was screaming "Mom please just BREATHE!!!" And then we lost her for many minutes (which seemed like hours) and then they brought her back and she came back to the ICU for a few days and I kept holding her hand and telling her not to worry because we would be taking her home very soon. But she didn't get to come home. We never got her out of ICU. . And for soooo many many months all I could picture was her saying "Help me!" and knowing she was dead and gone and that I didn't help her. And I am not stupid...I know that people get old and ill and die and I know my mom is not in pain anymore and is in a better place--but I really think it would have been easier if I wasn't the one there seeing my Momma look at me and saying "HELP me!" But I know it was not my fault and I have learned to deal with it and I still miss her soooo much....but I had gotten that "Help Me" picture MOSTLY out of my head FINALLY----until today happened.
The trip to the hospital after they told me there was a problem with my sis-in-law and her breathing felt like it took about a million years to get there..all I could hear in my head was "HELP ME HELP ME" and I am a goofy person but I am not crazy yet...but I'm telling you that ride up the elevator to where she was at wasn't a good one.
And then guess what? I get there and my sis-in-law is sitting up in bed and smiling...and I can't say how happy I am about that! I told her it was my early birthday present....and it truly is!
Hospitals suck...I hate them..I know that people there are doing good things and saving people..but I have always hated the way hospitals smell..and the noises in hospitals are dreadful....(except on the newborn ward----and that's a different story I guess :)
Anyways...thank you Leona! I luv you sista! Happy Birthday to me!
On my Birthday today all I wish is that you will have a very speedy recovery and will feel better very soon! And I thank God that he listened to you and let you "Just Breathe" ! :)
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