Thursday, September 5, 2013

Momma's Birthday Labor Day ponderings and I will always believe in miracles

I kind of feel sorry for hubby this time of year.   Since my momma died..
what seems to happen to me (even without sensing Labor Day weekend is about to be upon us).....I just kind of seem to fall into this funk.  I am normally a very upbeat person who makes a point to try and remind those around me to be positive and to be happy that they are here and vertical each day...
but now  this time of year rolls around and I can't help it.....something still just comes over me and it is like this sadness overwhelms me and all I can do is to try and surround myself with things that make me smile.
Thank goodness Chloe girl was here on this weekend to make me laugh and keep me occupied.  Damn how I wish Mom could have held this little one in her arms just once....but I just have to believe that she is up there smiling down.  And yep I do believe in evolution....but in the long run.....I have to go with the overall pic.. I  will always believe in MIRACLES and I don't think there is any Ape out there who can perform many of those....that leaves me thinking without a doubt (even if sometimes in my life that I have had doubts and questioned why things happen) ....I know that I still BELIEVE IN MIRACLES   and to me this means that there has to be something bigger and greater and larger than all of us somewhere out there.  And I think my Momma is up there now.
Sooo..before she died-----
My log point for me to always remember momma's Birthday was Labor Day.  And when Jerry Lewis and his Telethon came on the was a wake up that Mom's Birthday was just around the bend.
and now I think more about her death on her Birthday than all of the other days. I miss her more on the day she was born than the day that she died and I actually have to pull out her obituary sometimes to remember exactly what day that was.  And maybe that's just weird me in itself . Who knows?
I think that anyone who has lost a loved one will relate to that certain time of year when it just really "gets to you and always will."
And I am still not sure if it ever gets easier when you lose someone that you really have that kind of love for.
Maybe I was better this year..and maybe I wasn't.
Sometimes when someone teaches you how to love strong and love hard..the lessons about losing are not in that picture about how to deal with losing after they are gone you just have to learn that one can teach you how to lose no one can teach you how to get through it...and in real life every once in awhile you lose people who mean a lot to you that are still alive...but you lose them for whatever reason..and you are still learning how to lose. You know what it feels like to win in your life....
but those real is still a learning process as long as you are living..(insert me thinks here)
 Hubby has lost both of his parents as well....and maybe he just has a better way of coping with missing them...I'm not sure how that situation works out for everyone.  All I know is that hubby has a bit of a difficult time with me when this time rolls around.  And he spent the biggest part of his night with me this eve going thru a huge tub of jewelry.  Momma Jo--his mom.....taught him how to do that well....and he was commenting and we were laughing about what Momma Jo would have said-- and also how his dad would have handled the jewelry situation---and it kept me busy and happy and occupied and my mind off of the empty part that was never there in my heart before my Momma died.  And I honestly just can not imagine what it feels like when a parent loses a child after they have held them in their arms and had so many hopes and dreams for them.  I have not had to experience that one yet.... but it has certainly got bad written all over it no matter what day it is.
To me when someone dies....and the day comes that you can not tell them Happy Birthday or buy them a present or whatever you do for a loved one's Birthday......
Yah...the other Holiday gatherings will always  be difficult when you miss not having them around---
but to me.....their Birthday is the worst day that you have to deal with.
And my momma made me promise that I would never forget her and here I am still rocking her spirit and until the day I die I will make sure that I give her the recognition and hollahs for being such a big part of my life and the lives of the ones who mean so much to me in this family of mine.
RIP Linda Darlene Hood

WE Will never forget you.  :)

#RIP dearest moms #sometimes the holidays suck #you must have been a beautiful baby #we will never forget you # shake and bake#you taught me to believe in miracles

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